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Yep. Let's get this party started. I doubt I'll watch much of the Lame Game if any, but holy cow, preseason football is about to come squirting out at us like when my friend used to jack off stallions. Devin White -- just be you. Fuck the hype and please don't try to make the hall of fame your first series and dislocate a lung. Suh -- please make us even happier that we sent that fucking fraud who wears your number packing. Rookie DBs -- please translate your coaches' impressions to the playing field. Vea -- just pick up where you left off at the end of last season. No need to try to overdo it. Spence -- your mouth is moving. Let's see some quarterbacks hit the ground in preseason before penciling you in as a non-bust. JPP -- fucking heal up. Please. And hire a full time driver. And get a Buick or something. Nassib -- please don't be the second spoodging of Stylez White. Lavonte -- I'm not worried about you, expecting all pro year from you. Cappa -- are you going to get a clue or what? Dong Smith -- earn your fucking contract you loafing oaf edit who now has a fucking achilles injury. DOH -- yeah he;s a keeper all right FUUUCK Jensen -- maybe without a corpse playing to your right you can actually play center again. Oh wait...Cappa..........Corpsa? Breshad Perriman -- please stay healthy and make us forget about DuhShawn whatshisface, the cancerous overrated primadonna from wherever. Mike -- please fucking stay healthy. Please. Godwin -- don't overthink it. You're going to get worn out so stay in shape! OJ -- stop reading all your press clippings and just do what you were doing before you fuckened your ankle. Brate -- looking forward to your full return to health. Jameis loves your ass, and not in a gay way. At least I don't' think so. Barber -- everyone believes in you. You believe in yourself. Maybe without that idiot Warhoppingfuck, you'll have blocking schemes that fit the OL's talents and you'll do what many of us see you capable of. 1k yards, brohogger, Ronald Jones -- fuck you I don't think you have a prayer. Prove me wrong. Jameis -- JAMEIS -- just play like you did in the last game of last season all the time. If you do the Bucs will make the playoffs. Learn to do meditative yoga or something before going out on the field for the first series and calm the fuck down. You're not 16 anymore. You're a father, a husband, and apparently a dude everyone around you admires. Stop trying to prove something. Just play. BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE -- please don't just simply be a bag of hot air, and actually turn that accountability sheet into a positive force for culture change, keep your enormous staff aligned so they are telling the players consistent things and not confusing them, and please fucking stay healthy. Sincerely, your exhausted and Glazertard abused fan, Tndrcnt
First of all use the cap space, Licht, ya dinkus. We get it, you're saving for Winston and the other keepers. Here's a number for you: 5-11. 22 sacks. TWENTY-TWO SACKS? You'te the professional, figure out how to utilize the cap without drowning in future years, like when Dickless McKay drowned the Bucs. One thing is to keep the worthy FAs ya have, so LICHT re-sign Grimes and McClain. Please. (Meanwhile, adios to Scrubby Baker, Pothead Ward, and Robert Over the Hill Ayers. And possibly Will Gholston who couldn't rush a passer if no one was blocking him.) OK enough of the snarks, here are some players that might help the Bucs. 1. Ziggy Ansah, DE -(Lions) - 12 sacks and a high motor. He is going to get paid big, he is the best edge rusher available in FA and he's 28. The Lions are in coaching turmoil, and Ziggy may want a state with no state income tax. People like McCoy and David are pining for the return of Bennett which would be ok with me but he is long in the tooth and I doubt he solves any problems better than Ayers. Get 'em both. 2. Malcolm Butler, CB -- Patriots trained, likely too old for them given their model. But remember that guard Logan Mankins? He was salty for the Bucs and we missed him big time when he retired. Get this guy even if it means you jettison Vernon Pussy Harrgreaves and admit failure on a first round draft pick. 3. Nate Solder, LT -- Sorry Koetterlicht, Donovan Smith is a solid player but not good enough to be Jameis's protector. Doubtful Bellychug lets him go but having another Pats alum to show the Bucs how to win would be worth the cash. This signing would be huge for depth by enabling Smith to compete at RT with Dotson. and back Solder up at LT. 4. Lamarcus Joyner, FS -- A blossoming talent, doubtful he would want to leave the Rams but the Rams have a lot of upcoming costs. Get this guy. Certainly there are a lot more FAs than this but if Lurcht were able to spend Glazertard bucks on these dudes plus Bennett just as a "Fuck You" to Mark Dumfuknik, there would be no excuse based on talent when the Bucs go 4-12 next season. Thoughts? Here's one. Jesse drowns in his mom's bathtub accidentally when he slips and falls while modeling his Alstott jersey and shoulder pads to himself in the mirror, while pretending he and Alstott were black gay lovers.
The Offenses: 1) Getting rid of (one of) the best corner(s) in the NFL having traded a 1st and a conditional 3rd to get him less than 12 months earlier. 2) Hoping to trade the guy and announcing to the world that the other alternative was to cut him. 3) Signing Alterraun Verner, (arguably) the best corner in this year's free agent class, for more than $6M per and guaranteeing the rest of the NFL that the "cut" threat was no boast. 4) Washing out their existing cap space on Day 1 and lining up a bevy of players at need positions for visits on Day 2, including Charles Tillman (yet another starting-caliber corner). The Naive Opinion: These jokers telegraphed their move. If they had any chance of actually trading Revis, which I'm not sure they should, they've ruined their chances. By going public with their desire to trade him, and more importantly, their commitment to cut him in the 24th hour of the league season, they've fitted their own coffins. What team, in their right mind, is going to trade for a guy who will most likely hit the open market in 24 hours? Worse than telegraphing their move, they removed the remotest possibility that they were bluffing. They blanched out their entire cap in the first 8 hours of open market and lined up enough guys for Day 2 that they couldn't possibly be bluffing about cutting Revis if the trade option fell through. What team, in their right mind, is going to trade for a guy who is guaranteed to hit the open market in 12 hours? The Seven Truths: 1) Jason Licht and Lovie Smith knew some time ago that they had some serious work to do to reform this roster. 2) The front office and staff knew they couldn't afford to revamp their roster and keep Darrelle Revis around soaking up better than 10% of the cap. 3) The organization spent a 1st and a 4th to get Revis, it'd be a real shame not to get something in return other than 16 games of limited action. 4) Whether they kept Revis or attempted to trade him, it was beneficial to get him to restructure. 5) The best case scenario for finding a trade partner and deriving value from the trade was to have more than one suitor. 6) If they had to revamp the roster, needed Revis off their cap to do it, and needed more than one suitor, they needed a time constraint, a pressure bulkhead, an ultimatum. 7) The Revis trade (the one that brought him to Tampa) wasn't their idea. The Bottom Line: A good bit of work was needed (or desired) on this roster. They couldn't do it with Revis at his current figure. If he restructures, maybe you keep him. If he restructures, certainly he's easier to trade. If faced with the specter of the open market, and not making his $16M anyway, perhaps he remits a little rather than losing it all. If faced with an open market bidding war, perhaps the non-Denvers and not-New Englands pony up some picks to keep the commodity off the market. The only mistake Licht and Lovie could make, was thinking of Revis as something they "needed". The previous regime thought that, and they are now unemployed. The 1st and the 4th aren't coming back. The 3rd and the $16M are still available to help this team. What this whole thing boiled down to was whether Darrelle Revis was worth trading a 3rd for a 4th and forfeiting more than 10% of cap space. Source: The Naive Opinion and the Bottom Line